Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
