take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
