drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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