So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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