hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
