so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
