why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
