If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
