Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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