Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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