My friends, they love my intelligence
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
