the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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