He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
