We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
