Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
