I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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