I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I am available for nakedness
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
