Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
