what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
