He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
