she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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