You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
