...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
