Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Randomize
