Non-Jews are for practice
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
