you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
