I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
