It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
is that a dick in a sweater?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
