1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
