I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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