If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
