Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
