My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
