i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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