Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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