I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
