Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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