I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
