Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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