I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
