i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
