Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
