Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
