Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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