She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
