And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
