Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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