he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
