how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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