hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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