I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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