one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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